It is a deep transformative guilt
when you have reasons to live and oh, you know,
entertain that inveterate notion of suicide –
those fancies of release via nonexistence.
Just a little flirting.
You are after all young budding artist
well-aware of disappointment in wild hip future.
But the sense of obligation you owe to the ones you love –
genuinely symbolically all the above – outweigh
the weight of the world
broadcasting in between your temples.
You call yourself champion and godsend,
and rather not scar junior brother with
funky blend of emancipation,
self-aggrandization
and straight up quitting.
So this is what you are left to do:
Your life must tragically be
lived out.
Hand-mimicking-gun-finger-pulling-illusory-trigger,
and faith & reconciliation
will just have to suffice. For now,
death is just not in your stars.
So greetings.
With all probability, you will fade and
keep fading, and then, fade away. Die old.
Happy trails.
ETA was bred in Tustin, CA to Vietnam War fugees. He earned a Bachelor of Arts in Communication from the University of Southern California after being refused admission to the Cinematic Arts program. As a filmmaker, his work often focuses on the occult, media representation of marginalized groups and post-millennial self-reflexivity. etawashere.com
© 2010, ETA
Halfway Down the Stairs 